New Story

[Matty Lee]

Well, actually an old one, one I've been working on for about five years in total, this is the latest remake.

“You got a problem keeping it?”

Rugal looked over the egg, his massive black snout dwarfing the pearl orb. His gravelly voice reverberated within the hollow, filling the dwelling with a single deep note. The his gaze was fixed on an elderly dragon sitting across the egg; meticulously examining what she believed was his find. Her sight had been failing for years, even when she had taken him in, her eyes had become a morning mist, a moon hidden by clouds. Her scales had also fallen off, replaced by a soft, white, leathery skin, which had recently begun sagging. At the moment, Kreadra was completely ignoring him. Her attention was completely focused on the enclosed life before her. “…in remarkable condition, yes, good tone, excellent tone, has a well hardened shell, size, rather large …”

Rugal allowed his adoptive mother a few moments to continue examining her new possession. “Kreadra, if you can’t care for it…” “Of course I can care for it!” she suddenly snapped out of her trance, her sightless eyes looking through him. “I am perfectly capable of raising another hatchling Rugal, you of all people…” He sighed to himself, quietly as not to aggravate her. He had grown used to caring for her in her age, all of her eccentricities and abnormalities. He didn’t mind, Rugal owed it to her. “I will simply have to keep a close claw on him, if you know what I mean.”

“What makes you think it’s a male?” Rugal sat up on his haunches, rising near the ceiling. This cave had been where he had grown up; it still made him feel strange, worst of all, small. “I know these things Rugal, you know that.” She smiled pleasantly, displaying a set of teeth that had been wearing down for years; she was finding it increasingly difficult to eat meat now.

Rugal pushed the thought out of his mind; he could chew food for her if it came to that. Hey Rugal, how’s taking care of that old softscale going for you? The memory traveled through his body, twitching every muscle, from his jaw to his claw. When he remembered exactly what he did to the particular individual who made those remarks, a quite satisfaction soothed his itching mind. And you enjoyed it he told himself You enjoyed it. She had returned her attention to the egg, verbalizing the considerations made in her mind. “…needs heat, yes, all that rain and cold, why someone would leave you out in the cold mystifies me, the nerve of some!”

Thunder crashed, and lightening flashed, startling him out of his brief introspection. “What do you think Rugal? What should we name him?” We? He wondered, What would Kreadra care if I wanted to name it? “My old mind no longer works the way it used to, surely you know some names Rugal. “Name him bastard, or Novanak, he won’t have to worry about someone else sticking him with it.” Rugal found himself surprised at the sound in his own voice. Kreadra didn’t flinch. Lightning flashed again outside, but there was no thunder.

Her tone was all too neutral “I feel that often you take things to personally Rugal. That is your greatest failing, everything for you, every small jab, every mocking glance, every slight, is a blow against your very soul.” Rugal didn’t move. He wasn’t angry; Kreadra had made him angry when he was younger, when he had first come to Teratha, but now he was older, wiser. “I’m leaving.” He said finally, feeling something vibrate in his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it was beginning to hurt. “No, no your not.” Kreadra said, drawing herself close to him. He felt his teeth baring themselves as she approached, ever so slightly. “Something happened during the war, didn’t it?”

Rugal felt himself go cold. “I did bad things Kreadra.” She moved herself closer, her scale less cheek brushing his upper shoulder “I warned you not to go.” Her voice grew even softer, even sadder. The vibration in his chest grew unbearable, why was his chest vibrating? “I did it for you.” He told her, “I did it so they wouldn’t…” He was losing himself, for a brief moment it almost happened. “So they wouldn’t take you from me.” It vanished just as suddenly as it began, sinking into a deep abyss, a pit carefully sealed.
“I wanted you here.” She replied, turning her head to face him. “You were safe here, you were always safe here.” Kreadra didn’t break down, which surprised him; she was usually the emotional sort. He didn’t respond. He didn’t need to.
They sat there for a while, looking at each other. Finally, Rugal decided to speak up, to change the subject. “If you ever need my help…”

She walked behind him, and went around to a fireplace installed in the cavern. There were two elephant skin rugs there, enough for two guests. With the silent love of a mother, she clasped the egg with one claw, and drug it closer to her, and to the fire. “He’ll need you Rugal.” She whispered “You were right, I can’t do this alone.”
Rugal took the other elephant skin, looking at the opaque egg. He could see the outline of a small developing dragon inside. You had parents. He told the little one in his mind I took them from you, for that, I will never ask forgiveness.

[Pandora]

if you want my honest opinion, this sounds more like a teaser than a book.
I think you need to go more into detail on what this war was about, and why they feel the way they do about this war, who fought it and why. It just kinda popped out at me from nowhere, and I was slightly confused on that part.
It's ok to give readers insight on things that the characters might not think or say aloud, or even know about for that matter. It's really importaint to have that narative point in the story where you just stop and explain things. That, and for half the story I thought the female dragon actually laid the egg herself. No you don't want to give away everything, but you have to remember the reader knows nothing about what you are writing if you don't tell them something they will be hopelessly lost.
Other than that it was a good story and it kept my attention. That's the biggest thing you're looking to do after all.

and if you have been offended in any way, there is a chapter of my book on here that you can examine and rip to pieces if it makes you feel better, but I would much rather have your honest opinion, whether it's good or bad, I don't care. I need real output so that I can better myself. Which is why I had to give my honest opinion, because as a writer I know you feel the same way.